moving abroad: phone calls, neighbours, doctors and a new workplace culture

The first month is louder than you expected

A nurse from Thiruvalla starts on a ward in Birmingham. Clinically she is ready. What wears her out is the phone: the pharmacy, the patient's daughter, a colleague on another floor, all fast and all in accents she has not heard before.

An engineer moves to Toronto with his wife and two children. He is fine at work. His wife, who handles the school and the landlord, comes home from her first parents' evening convinced she understood half of it.

An accountant from Thrissur joins a firm in Doha with colleagues from eleven countries. Her English is excellent. She is unsure whether to call the British partner "sir", and why her Filipino colleague laughs when she says "do the needful".

A student from Hyderabad arrives in Melbourne, gets a cold in week two, and cannot work out how to explain to a doctor that his throat hurts "only on one side, and only when I swallow".

None of them has a language problem in the textbook sense. They have a new-country problem: unfamiliar scripts, unfamiliar speed, and nobody telling them the unwritten rules.

Phone calls with banks, landlords and offices

Phone calls are harder than face-to-face talk because you lose lips, gestures and the chance to point. Most people new to a country find them the most draining part of the week. Three habits help.

Say why you are calling in the first sentence. Call centres and busy landlords sort you by your opening line.

"Hi, I'm calling about a card payment that was declined this morning. My name is Arun Varghese, and I have my account number ready."

Chunk names and numbers. Give long numbers in groups of three or four, with a pause between groups. Spell your name using simple words: "V for Victor, A for Apple." Practise your own name and postcode until you can say them slowly without thinking.

Ask back, without apologising. If you miss something, a clear request is professional, not weak.

"Sorry, could you say the last part again a little more slowly? I want to make sure I've got the date right."

Before you hang up, repeat the key point back: "So the engineer comes on Thursday between 8 and 12, and I don't need to be in?" That one line prevents most of the follow-up calls.

The doctor's appointment

Health conversations carry the most pressure, because you are unwell and the clock is short. Systems differ from country to country, so check how yours works. The conversation itself, though, follows a similar shape almost everywhere.

Before you go, write three lines on your phone:

• What and where. "A sharp pain on the right side of my throat."
• When and how it changed. "It started four days ago and it's worse in the mornings."
• What you have tried, and what worries you. "I've taken paracetamol. I'm worried because I've had tonsillitis before."

Useful describing words are worth learning in advance: sharp, dull, throbbing, burning, itchy, constant, comes and goes, worse at night. Many people from India describe all pain as "paining" or "full body pain". A doctor can help you far more with "a dull ache in my lower back that gets worse when I sit".

Then ask your questions. You are allowed to.

"Can I just check I've understood? I take this twice a day for five days, and if the fever isn't better by Monday I should call again?"

If a word is unclear, ask: "What does that mean in simple terms?" Doctors would rather explain than be misunderstood.

Neighbours and the school gate

In India, neighbours often know your business by the second week. In many Western cities, the norm is friendly but light: a greeting, a comment about the weather, and on with the day. That lightness can feel cold. It usually is not.

The skill here is small, repeatable openers. Pick three and use them often.

"Morning! Cold one today, isn't it?"

"Is yours in Year 2 as well? Mine's just started. We've moved from India, so we're still working out the uniform rules."

That second line does something useful: it explains your situation, invites help, and gives the other parent a natural reply. Most people like being asked for local advice. "Which park do you go to at weekends?" opens more doors than any comment about the weather.

In the Gulf, the mix is different again. Neighbours may be from ten countries, and English is the shared second language for most of them. Patience runs both ways there. Speak a little slower, use simple words, and smile at your own mistakes.

Workplace culture: names, small talk, directness and no

This is where capable people get caught out most, because nobody explains it.

First names. In the UK, Canada and Australia, most offices use first names for everyone, including senior people. "Sir" and "madam" can sound distant or even sarcastic. In the Gulf it varies by company, so listen to how colleagues address the senior person and copy that.

Small talk. A Monday question like "Good weekend?" is a real opener, not a formality to answer with one word. Give one detail and one question back.

"Yes, lovely, thanks. We finally found a decent dosa place. Did you get up to much?"

Directness. Some cultures say "This won't work" plainly; others say "That's an interesting idea, maybe we could look at it again" and mean exactly the same thing. Researcher Erin Meyer writes about how cultures differ on how directly they disagree and how much is left unsaid. You do not need the theory. You need to notice which kind of team you have joined, and ask a trusted colleague when you are unsure.

Saying no. Many people from India find a plain no hard, especially to someone senior. In most workplaces abroad, a clear no with a reason and an option is respected far more than a yes you cannot keep.

"I can't take that on by Friday without dropping the audit work. I could start it on Monday, or hand the audit to Priya. Which would you prefer?"

Give yourself a learning period

Every new arrival has a period of watching. Use it on purpose. For your first two weeks, listen more than you copy: how people open calls, how they disagree, how they end a conversation, what they call the boss. Write down phrases you like. Try one new one each day.

And be kind to your accent. The aim is never to sound like someone from Leeds or Toronto. It is to be understood first time, which comes from pace, clear word endings and pauses, not from changing who you are.

Published by The Full Stop, the journal of Brightside English. Reviewed by a Brightside senior coach. Corrections: see our editorial standard.